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Kim Jong Il
Kim Jong Il is the sad, so ronery, Russian-born, severely near sighted, chubby, vertically challenged (even more so than John Stewart, Commie) angry leader of North Korea. Better known as "that old lady who keeps firing rockets into the Pacific Ocean " He wants to pose a threat to America but he is just too cuddly to be threatening. He likes to dress up all gay and wear the same little gray suit everyday and seems a lot more interested in power than getting Paris Hilton to do a video with him. He also enjoys Bomb-Riding, which is the national sport. According to reports, he is "ronery, so ronery". This has yet to be confirmed. American hero Stephen Colbert offered his screenplay: "Call Me Il: The Glorious Story of Dear Leader's Decision To Not Bomb America" to Kim Jong Il on October 9, 2006. He is still awaiting an official response from Pyongyang (where Kim Jong Il lives). .]] Glory to North Korea and Kim Jong Il! Biography Kim Jong Il, "Great Leader", was born to the founder of Best Korea, Kim Il-sung (or "Dear Leader"), but did not succeed him as Dear Leader is the eternal president of Best Korea in this life and any others hereafter. Neither will Kim Jong-Il's son, Kim Jong-un, succeed him when and if he ever passes, as it would be rude to jump in line. Kim Jong-Il was born in Soviet Russia and educated in Communist China and the capital of Best Korea, Pyongyang ("Best Capital") specializing in gorf and charming the radies. Kim Jong Il Likes with John Stewart.]] According to Fox News, quoting liberal media allies of North Korea Salon.com and the Toronto Star, he likes: * Dressing up like Liberace. * Mulligans Very low Golf scores. * James Bond movies * Scotch * Daffy Duck * Fast Cars * Fast Women * Nuclear Weapons * Young Congressional Pages * Al Franken * The movie "Volcano" starring Tommy Lee Jones * The new Inxs Band * Herpes * Bears * Michael Moore * Thai Ladyboys * to pray magic cards. Gorf Skirrz * He is the Tiger Woods of N.K., all Asian and none of that black people's blood. Factoids * he is Liza Minelli's stand-in * traded spicy pickled cabbage for America's Philharmony Technology * He is the soul inventor of the Taepodong-2 missile, which he parades through major cities. This Taepodong, however, is extremely inadequate and never succeeds in penetrating deep enough to deliver its payload. Reportedly, Kim has the best experts working on fixing this deficiency. He wants his Taepodong to make those people scream! * Kim Jong Il is not to be confused with Kim Jong II, who is a completely different person. * His father was less of a dick than he is. The North Koreans miss him. * According to recent intelligence sources, Kim Jong Il, Osama bin Laden, and Al Franken are currently in the process of making a gay pornographic movie featuring the three of them in a threesome while chanting, "Death to America!" in five hundred different languages, which do not include English. *Played the supervillain in the movie Team America World Police by Trey Parker and Matt Stone * Wanted to be a film producer, before becoming a dictator. * Cousin of Yoko Ono. * Loves Big Macs, which over there are called "two meat patties with bread." * Kim Jong Il is a genius. * FreeMasons run the country! * Kim Jong Il agreed to hide Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction in North Korea! Is Kim Jong Il a Secret Hobbit? Kim Jong Il to Conquer The Heaven! On December 17, 2011 the Glorious Leader of North Korea declared he was going to conquer Heaven and punch the face of the white God. The Glorious Leader announced that it was time for North Korea to conquer Heaven and make it part of the North Korean territory so he flew to Heaven in his flying golden chariot that he stole from Zeus, or was it Apollo? All white gods look the same to Asians. The Glorious Leader also added that once the beats the Jesus, he will make him North Korea's beatch. In the meantime the Glorious Nation of North Korea will be on the hands of his son, the Glorious Successor Kim Jong-un until the Glorious return of Kim Jong Il. On a side note, wikireporter mutopis was seen on the vicinity of South Korea before the death ascension of Our Glorious Leader, clearly a coincidence. External Tubes *CIA Database entry *Kim Jong Il biography *Kim Jong Il Video *The Glorious Leader's family! Oh look at that cute daughter! manly son! *The Glorious Leader is looking forward to buying new beachfront properties in Hawaii! *North Korea Promises to Nuke America Wikiality.com Welcomes our New Glorious Leader of Korea-America *Lies that The Glorious Leader of North Korea is sick, are nothing but American Imperialist lies! *The Glorious Leader shows compassion to Capitalist Pig *The GLorious Leader's Lost Twin returns! *Our Dear Leader's LJ *Miss Kimberly Jong Il to receive compensation money *Glorious Leader returns from long vacation *Glorious Leader infiltrates America's heartland *Glorious Leader promotes New Supreme Commander General of The North Korean Armed Forces *Our Glorious Leader's Sister get Promoted to 5 Star General! All Hail Our New General!! *Kim Jon Il arrests defector